to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
