3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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