As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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