i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So. Much. Porn.
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