You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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