i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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