I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize