It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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