if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
