i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
