people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
