why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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