Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This is my life. Enjoy the view
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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