I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
