he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
