Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
