He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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