Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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