dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize