dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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