so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
