If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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