HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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