Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
