she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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