i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
