i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
