the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
