just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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