I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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