I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
