there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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