she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
