# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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