Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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