So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize