Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
