if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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