I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
