But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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