1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
