You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
