I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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Blood and glitter go together right?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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