she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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