you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
