Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
