someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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