I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
