am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
