He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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