I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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