so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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