to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
