I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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