it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize