I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
