Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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