Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
