If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
